“It’s going to be like this for some time,” said Jay, gloomily, “according to the weather report.”

Dick feebly told the joke about the weatherman who left town because the weather didn’t agree with him–but neither of them laughed. The rain fell without remorse.

“Boy, boys, boys,” said a beautiful woman with auburn hair. She had a fresh complexion. She wore a wet, slightly muddy, mauve dress. She sat down between them, covering them with her pink umbrella.

Dick kissed his wife on the cheek. He reached down into the vanilla box for his sandwich. The box tumbled out of his hands and landed in a puddle. It floated.

“That’s it,” shouted Jay. He grabbed Dick’s elbow. “Don’t you see— that’s it!”

It only took a day to add the inflated pontoon boats to the Piper Cub. Now instead of wheels, it had floats. Now, instead of the muddy runway, they used the river.

But another calamity awaited: a lightning storm. A bolt of lightning struck the hut, shattering it.

Without an office, it was hard to run operations.

Dick, however, found a solution. He bought a chicken coop from the farmer down the road for $25.

“One last yard,” said Dick, talking to the old mare. The mare grunted as it dragged along the chicken coop.

After propping up the chicken coop, Dick began whitewashing it.

“There,” said Dick, slapping on the last coat.

He stepped back to join his wife, Doreen, and his partner, Jay. All of them admired the bright chicken coop. It proudly bore the blue legend “Wolverine Air Service.”

“Soon,” said Dick, “Millions will be flying their own planes. They’ll come to us and we’ll teach them.”

“And it only cost us $200 to get this Piper Cub,” added Jay.

“Airplanes will swarm the air, the way cars do the ground,” predicted Dick.

Just then a freckled-faced young man came up to them.

“Is this your school?” he asked, squinting at Dick.

“Have you come for lessons?” asked Dick.

“Darn right!”

“We’d love to teach you, but we don’t know how to fly!” confessed Dick.

A few days later, however, they found a flight instructor. Dick straightened out the sheaf of papers on his ramshackle desk as the last interviewee walked out of the shack. He looked over at Jay. “Well?” Jay nodded. “I like him.”

“Then we have a new flight instructor,” said Dick, smiling broadly.

The next day, Dick and the new flight instructor stood outside the chicken coop office.

“How are you going to pay me?” asked the flight instructor, a tall man with thick dark hair and brilliant blue eyes.

“Cash,” said Dick, unruffled.

“But you said a moment ago that you don’t have any money?”

“I don’t,” confirmed Dick, “but they do.”

The flight instructor turned around to follow Dick’s finger. He had to chuckle. On the edge of the field was Jay whooping in a group of three eager students, all trussed up in flight gear. They were wet to their thighs from wading across the river.

“They’ll be the first to graduate,” affirmed Bob, the new flight instructor.

This is the story of Richard M. DeVos and his high-school buddy, Jay Van Andel, who came home after the Second World War convinced that the aviation business would be the trend of the future.

The Success Principle

The only limits are those that you set up for yourself. Limited thoughts create limited people.

Building an effective and lasting relationships is a necessity for several reasons. For example in a group or organization, the well being of the people depends on how efficient and effective that group or organization works.

The group or organization is also dependent on how the members work well with the management.

An ineffective group or organization can really be very frustrating. An effective group or organization can also ask so much on their members, that sometimes the members would be having no life outside the walls of the area where they work or sacrifice the other aspects of their life just to meet deadlines. For an organization or group with this kind of scenario, relationships can be stressed or suffer from breakdown.

People or other entities who depend on these groups or organization also suffer.

Society is defined as a web of relationships, which requires all parties to work and contribute their share in order to achieve a common goal. Having a relationship that is good, where cooperation and respect are manifested, can make society work better. In this way each member works for the good of the whole and towards achieving a common goal. This can only be attained with effective and efficient relationships.

Understanding the other parties’ feeling and position creates an effective and efficient relationship. The easiest method to understand what is important to another party is to ask them what they want and listen to what they have to say. When the other party realizes this, they would feel the importance given to them

Effective and efficient relationships require parties to openly express their feelings and positions on all matters pertinent on the relationship. Assuming that the other party understands our needs and give us when we need it without asking for it is not a good practice.

Respect is the key to relationship. In order to create a more effective relationship, parties should treat each other with respect. We can show respect just by listening to the other party and by trying sincerely to understand how they function. You can also show respect to other parties by confirming that they are doing everything they can.

The opposite of respect is quick forming of judgements based on unfounded facts and prejudice.

Respect is the very foundation for a great relationship. This also means respecting yourself and respecting others.

Another key area in forming an effective relationship is to tackle differences of the other party directly. Differences between parties or people are quite interesting. For example in a conversation where each party listens to the other party, you may observe that each is having two different perspectives.

Work towards a win-win solution for both parties.

This can be done when at least one party acknowledges that the relationship is important. That party would then exert more time, effort and energy to understand the other party’s needs and deal with it to get it out of the way. Should they fail, it is comforting for that party to know that they tried.

Effectively listening and no pre-judging. This is important if parties are to understand each other.

Informal discussions are conducive for parties. They bring out issues and concerns comfortably. They also feel more relaxed making them think more clearly.

Developing an atmosphere where the other party can express their feelings when they need to.

When parties fail to express whatever is on their mind or their feelings, it can get in the way of building an effective relationship.

Parties should be aware that certain things exist naturally but should be controlled in any dealings in any relationship. Human nature is one. Some of these things found in a relationship also include a history of stereotyping or mistrust, blaming the other person or party for a strained relationship, excluding the other party’s feelings when focusing on a task, no clear and defined objectives, roles and expectations of each party in a relationship is also unclear.

Relationships are important to anyone, addressing issues and problems right away is a must to further improve the relationship. As they say ‘No man is an Island’.

Many of us take “professionalism” out of context and become more of a burden to families than a helping resource. All to often, we believe we are “experts” (a term used rather loosely these days), and therefore know more about what is best for those we are attempting to help, which as far as I am concerned is utterly ridiculous. We want to take individuals out of their dysfunctional world, bring them into our less than perfect world and then drop them like a hot potato. We judge their world as inadequate and we must therefore make it more adequate by imposing our “expertise.” We enter helping relationships with the desire to “fix it” not understanding that we do not have the power to fix; only the helpee has that power.

I believe the best way to help individuals is to positively influence their decision for change; to assist them in getting comfortable with the idea of change and the benefits it may have for their lives. If people buy into the need for change, and we provide the support and tools needed for them to change, change will happen. But, before that can occur, we professionals must become sensitized to what it means for individuals to receive help. It is not a pretty picture.

Let’s take a brief look at what is required for individuals (including us professionals by the way) to accept help.

1) It Is Not Easy To Receive Help – Most people who need help experience mixed feelings. They want help and at the same time are terrified of it. And in many cases, the fear of it is greater than the desire for it. We can understand this better if we look at what demands are placed on the person who needs help:

- There is a recognition that something is wrong with him/her or lacking in their situation which they apparently cannot manage sufficiently themselves. The consequence of this recognition is the lowering of self-esteem.

- They must be willing to tell someone else about their problem.

- They must accord to the Helper at least limited rights to personal information.

- They must be open to change in some way.

2) Commitment to Change is Not Easy – Change means giving up whatever adjustment has been made to their current situation; adjustments that have cost a great deal to make and have become a part of their world and lifestyle. They have developed a comfort zone that they are not readily willing to move out of. Most of us tend to cling to the status quo out of fear. As professionals, we must realize that it is hard for individuals to say good-bye to old ways of thinking and doing things. Keep in mind that to commit to change means committing to the unknown. Their comfort world is where they are accustomed. From our perspective it may be a miserable comfort, but in the helpees world, misery is oftentimes preferred to the unknown.

3) It Is Difficult to Submit to the Influence of a Helper – Many helpees have had bad experiences with helpers. For many people, trying to live more productive lives with the assistance of helpers has only resulted in greater defeat. While a willingness to help is important, it is not enough within itself. Helpers must be prepared to offer the kind of help helpees need.

4) It Is Not Easy to Trust Strangers Enough to be Open With Them -Many people have been deeply hurt by so called helpers: confidence betrayed, taken advantage of, verbally abused, mistreated, dehumanized, humiliated, belittled. I do not care how insufficient an individual may appear, they do not want to be made to “feel” inadequate.

5. It Is Not Easy To See One’s Problem Clearly – Many helpees live complicated lives. There are so many issues they are contending with that often they are unable to pinpoint what their problem is that they desire help with. In social work, what helpees tell us initially is what we call the “presenting problem” We recognize the presenting problem as the surface layer and it is rarely the problem that needs addressing.

6. Sometimes Problems Seem too Overwhelming, or Shameful to Share Easily. Helpees do not want to be perceived in a negative light by the helper and may experience great difficulty in relating areas of their lives in which they feel ashamed and believe they will be judged.

It is not an easy thing to accept help. Yet, for the most part, this tremendous demand made on the person to be helped has gone unrecognized. People who refuse help are still thought of as ungrateful when all they really are is afraid. They are very much afraid of what it will cost them to accept help or to make changes.

First, think of a small problem you are having in your life right now. Don’t try to tackle anything too big just yet, just get used to using this technique and then when you get more skilled at it you can try it with some larger problems. The idea is to separate your problem into three groups.

GROUP ONE: Parts of the Problem That Come From Other People

Write down all the parts of this particular problem that are brought to it by other people. Now, I know it’s tempting to lump all of the parts into this group, because it’s so easy to blame others for what is not working in our lives; but try to resist this temptation! And let’s face it – other people are not responsible for EVERY part of your problem. So be honest with yourself.

GROUP TWO: The Facts about Your problem

In this group, you are going to write down the facts. For example, let’s say your partner won’t spend enough time with you and the family. In this group, one of the facts you could write would be “We need ___ to spend more time at home”.

GROUP THREE: YOU

Now you are going to list all the parts of the problem that YOU bring to it. Many of the things you write down here will be related to your reaction to the situation. For instance, do you sulk or berate your partner when he/she chooses to spend time away from home? How does this contribute to your problem? What reaction do you get? Be sure to write down any of your own personal triggers from past circumstances or relationships which may be contributing to this problem.

OK: Time to Start Culling…

When you have created the three categories for your problem, pick up the list for Group #1. (Other People). Now, screw up this piece of paper and throw it in the bin. Why? Because…..

As I was doing research for a recent book, I interviewed a young counselor at a youth camp. I was impressed with her sincerity, maturity, and gratitude that her “blended family” had made the effort and sacrifice to work together toward a common goal. She admitted that she was the instigator of most of the conflict and absolutely refused to cooperate on even the most menial request by her step-mother. She could tell that the adults were becoming increasingly unhappy and stressed and she was secretly glad that they were suffering.

Then an interesting thing happened. She was invited to spend a weekend with a friend and she saw what happens when families get along and support one another. The family held a family meeting to decide about some upcoming projects and chores. When putting activities on the calendar, she was amazed to see her friend volunteer to attend the ball game with her little brother so the parents could make another commitment. They laughed and joked with good natured ribbing as opposed to sarcastic mean spirited teasing. The family ended the family meeting with ice cream sundaes and she saw the kids pitch in without being asked and that they served the parents before getting their own bowl.

It was an eye-opener for this young lady to see that it is possible to work together in a win-win atmosphere. She honestly had not even realized it was possible to live in harmony as opposed to chaos and anger.

When she got home from that stay, she called a family meeting and everyone came fearing that she was going to say she was moving out if she didn’t get her way. Instead, she told them about what she had witnessed and asked for a commitment for all of them to start over and become a cooperative, supportive and loving family where everyone was treated with respect.

She went on to tell me that it had not been easy to change old habits, especially with her. But, as a family they had set a goal and a commitment and had worked on their relationships and communication skills daily. As a young adult, she said that because of that commitment, she had gone into counseling to assist other young people who were filled with anger. She wanted to share the valuable lessons that she had learned.

Oh yes, she counts her step-mother as one of her best friends now.

In our living room is a beautiful potted plant. It contains a number of small individual stems and branches that, as separate entities, are fragile and unsteady. Each stem could probably make it if it were broken off and stuck in a glass of water, but it might not. However, grouped together, they gain strength and protection from one another. Their roots are intertwined and form a foundation that allows them to successfully withstand being knocked over and occasionally neglected.

Families are like that plant. We are all in this together, and we need to know there are others who will hold us up when we need it and support us as we grow stronger. The word for the strength of a unit is synergy. It means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

It is that common goal of cooperation and support that builds success in our children and our families. Please don’t give up. Try one more time to provide the loving and respectful environment that each member of the family deserves.

Good luck and God bless. You do the most important work in the world.

The easiest way to appreciate what is significant to another party is to ask them what they want and listen to what they have to say. Effective relationships require parties to openly convey their feelings and positions on all matters important to the relationship.

In order to build a more effective relationship, parties must treat each other with respect. We can show respect just by listening to the other party and by trying genuinely to comprehend how they function. This also means respecting yourself.

One more key area in forming an effective relationship is to tackle differences of the other party openly. Work towards a win-win solution for both parties. Developing an atmosphere where the other party can express their feelings when they need to.

Parties should be aware that certain things exist naturally but should be controlled in any dealings in any relationship. Human nature is one. Some of these things found in a relationship also include a history of stereotyping or mistrust, blaming the other person or party for a strained relationship, excluding the other party’s feelings when focusing on a task, no clear and defined objectives, roles and expectations of each party in a relationship is also unclear.

Relationships are important to anyone, addressing issues and problems right away is a must to further improve the relationship. As they say ‘No man is an Island’. Working together works for the whole – and that is what is most important.

Simple Googling will go the trick
If your friend or family member has a website or uses the Internet to write blog entries or has an online photo album, you can usually find them using conventional search engines – for  example, www.google.com, www.yahoo.com, www.aol.com, www.dogpile.com, etc. As long as they have their names on their websites, blogs or photo albums, the search engines will pick them up and produce the list of links for you to browse through.However, you can only use this method to find long-lost friends and family members if they have an online presence.

If they don’t, you’re probably not going to find them using search engines. Without websites, information or blogs, your friend or family member is as invisible to the search engine as they are to you.

Finding people through their business
If you know the name of the company that your family or friend works in, what you can do is to trace the company’s information or website. And once you find the telephone number or email of the company, give them a ring or send them an email. Usually the HR department may be able to lend you a helping hand.

However, it all depends on the level of security that the company adopts. If they prefer to keep the identity and information of their staff private and confidential, there really is nothing else you can do except to personally visit the company’s office.

Tracing by location through directories
One of the most popular and convenient ways of finding family and friends online is by using online directories and tracing the telephone numbers or addresses of the family or friend.

Searching for family or friend through their email address
What happens if the family or friend is no longer using his or her email address and you don’t have the address?What you can do is to make a search using the email address and type it into searches like www.infospaceinc.com. InfoSpace lets you find family and friends by narrowing the search down by specifying the location and telephone number of that person too.

Finding family and friends by digging underground
If your friend or family member wants to stay hidden, there’s still one last thing you can do before you give up.Try using an online detective to find your family and friend! It sounds sneaky and illegal, but it’s actually a legitimate way of finding friends and family. What these online detectives will do is to search through the web, public records, property registration records, arrest records, bankruptcy files, birth registration, childcare and nanny screening records, judgments, court files, unlisted phone numbers and address, and lots more!