Think of an adventure that you might like to take. Maybe it is a trip to a foreign country or a major destination in your own country. Maybe it is to climb a mountain or float down the Amazon. Whatever works for you, picture what that would take. Got it?

Good, now let’s see what are common characteristics of a good adventure and apply them to our lives. In doing so, you will shift your perspective and see how your own day-to-day life can be an adventure!

1. A desire to see something new:

When we set out on an adventure, we are usually looking for something new. We are looking to break out of the doldrums and get to somewhere we have never been before. What about in life? Are you constantly looking for something new to experience? Take some time soon to experience something new. That will put some adventure in your life!

2. A desire to see something grand:

People on adventures usually pick something larger than life, something grand. Do you think anybody would go to see the “Tiny Canyon?” No way. But hundreds of thousands of people adventure their way to the Grand Canyon. What about your life? Is there anything grand that you are pursuing? Is there anything bigger than life that you are striving for? Take some time soon to pursue something grand. That will put some adventure in your life!

3. A desire to learn:

Lots of people take adventures to learn about something. This makes Washington, DC a popular adventure spot will all of its history. You can spend days there! Your eyes and mind are always being opened and it is enjoyable. What about your life? Are you involved in anything that causes you to continually learn and grow intellectually? Take some time to stretch yourself to learn something. That will put some adventure in your life!

4. A willingness to be diverted:

Part of a vacation adventure is that you can be diverted and it is okay! That is part of the fun. Yes, we want a clear destination but sometimes it is the diversions that bring us the spice of life. What about you? Are you diversion averse? Maybe you need to let yourself get out of the box sometime. Try this: The next time you have the possibility for a fun diversion, take it. Life is short and you can take some diversions. That will put some adventure in your life!

5. An expectation that there will be breakdowns:

Have you ever gone on a family vacation that didn’t have breakdowns? Not many. But when all is said and done, aren’t those the things we laugh at years later and remember clearly? You know, “Remember Dad getting mad that the car had broken down and he slammed his finger in the door and started hopping around so much he fell in a ditch of water? And when he came up for air he had mud on his face? What a riot!” Even dad laughs at that – later! What about your life? Are you frustrated by the breakdowns? Try looking at them from the perspective you will look at them from 20 years from now. That will put some adventure in your life!

6. A focus on fun:

Whatever the adventure is, we usually expect it to be fun, don’t we? Well, life can be fun too. In fact, I require that life be fun! What about your life? Is it “all work and no play makes Jack or Suzie a dull boy or girl? Get out and have some fun my friend! That will put some adventure in your life!

7. A clear destination:

Ultimately, our adventure usually has a clear destination. It may be the top of the mountain. It may be the goal of getting your whole family together at a resort. Whatever it is, it has a clear destination. It is the goal, and it is what gives us purpose.

What about your life? Do you have a clear destination you are working toward? Set your sights on a clear destination! That will put some adventure in your life!

Most of us would like to be better communicators. As leaders, co-workers, team members and in all of the other roles we play both professionally and personally, we know that communication is a major key to success.

When we are frustrated or stymied by something, often better communication would have improved it.

Consider the new executive or manager who walks into their first meeting. Every movement is watched. Where they sit is analyzed. What they say is discussed later. Did they make declarative statements or ask questions? Did they smile? Were they quiet or too quiet? What about their tone of voice?

Or consider seeing an old friend with a new business partner. You’ve not spent much time with the new partner before. You care about your friend and so you are trying to build an informed opinion of their partner, so you observe them very carefully.

Of course not every situation is this obvious, but in every situation we are all being observed as people try to truly understand our message. Yes, communication certainly is important – and valuable. And guess what? As these two examples clearly show, we can’t not communicate.

Think about it.

We communicate with our words, of course. Our eyes and our facial expressions convey many things. We communicate with the tone of our voice, with our movements and hands. We even communicate when we are silent.

The Paradox

So it is a paradox to think that we are always communicating and yet we still want to improve our communications skills.

Just because we do something all the time, doesn’t mean we think about it all the time. And if we are doing something without thinking about it, we are operating from habit.

Habits are our helpers. They allow us to get through all of the many tasks we encounter each day – many of which we do subconsciously. And while habits help us, sometimes they don’t serve us in the ways we would most like. In those cases, we can adjust those habits.

Making a Change

If we want to think about improving our subconscious communication, it helps to think about the ways we communicate. I mentioned a list above. Others have split up the communication components into these segments:

What we say

How we say it

How we look

While I agree with those components I think it is also important for us to consider a fourth component too– what we don’t say.

Keeping these components in mind, I believe that there are at least five things that you can do if you want to do a better job of communicating during all those times you aren’t thinking about communicating.

Be aware. The first step to improving our subconscious communication skills is to be aware of how pervasive our communication is. Awareness helps us bring things out of the subconscious and up to a conscious level. It is at the conscious level we can work on them.

Be vigilant. Once we have decided we want to improve these skills and are aware of the factors involved, we have to pay attention. Begin to more carefully notice how people react to you. Confirm your observations by restating your points if you feel you are miscommunicating. Being vigilant means taking more care and paying closer attention to your communication style and results.

Get feedback. I have learned over the years that in some cases the tone of my voice is too strong – that even when I’m not upset or frustrated by something, the tone of my voice sometimes sends a different message. Without this feedback I wouldn’t even be aware of this issue. With the feedback I can improve. Of course, you may receive positive feedback too – about things you are unaware of that serve you well. It is important to receive both the encouragement and the corrective ideas.

Make a plan. Work on the areas you have noticed. Work on the things you received feedback on. Practice new or different techniques. This step is all about modifying and reforming your habits into more successful ones.

Continue the loop. Awareness, vigilance, feedback and practice are the steps in a learning loop that you can apply over and over to continue to improve your subconscious communication skills.

Summary

The grammar isn’t great, but the logic is perfect – you can’t not communicate. All of our actions, words and non actions send a message to those around us. To become more effective and better understood, we first need to recognize this fact, then take action to change our communications habits so we are communicating what we want to communicate, more of the time.

1.  Join Toastmasters.    Toastmasters is a organization where you will get a chance to work on your impromptu speaking skills, leadership skills, evaluation skills as well as opportunities to practice specific skills in prepare presentations (at your own pace).  Clubs typically meet weekly and you can find clubs that meet in the morning, evening, lunchtime to meet your schedule.  I highly recommend this!  Find a club and attend to learn much more.

2.  Consider the Dale Carnegie Course.  The Dale Carnegie Course is about much more than speaking, but you will speak in each of the 14 weekly sessions.  This workshop is more expensive than Toastmasters but is an excellent program to help with presentation skills, confidence and more.

3.  Find opportunities at work.  You might have limited opportunities to speak at work, due to the nature of your job, but that doesn’t need to keep you from letting people know you desire that chance.  Take even opportunities to talk in small meetings as a chance to practice the skills we learned together too!

4.  Find opportunities outside of work.  Step up in your church or civic group to present some information or be involved in committees or teams that might provide you a chance to hone your skills.

5.  Get feedback. Every time you speak ask someone to give you feedback.  Ask a trusted friend or colleague to tell you what they saw, heard and observed.  Ask one of them to provide you feedback after they are in your audience.

6.  Video yourself.  You saw the value and power of seeing yourself on tape.  Use this tool yourself.  Practice a presentation at home and let the camera run – then, watch it and think about what you might do differently to make your message even more powerful.

7.  One thing at a time.  Choose to work on just one thing at a time.  For example, if you want to work on having a stronger WIIFM, make that your major goal for the talk.  Pick one thing to especially, consciously work on each time you present.  Doing this will help you improve quickly and consciously.  Be sure to tell those you are asking for feedback from to look for these key focus areas too!

8.  Go Karaoke!  A colleague of mine, Jeffrey Gitomer suggests this as a great way to work on your presentation skills.  He says that if you can use your skills to get a bunch of uninterested, rowdy (drunk!) people to pay attention to you, you have learned valuable skills that translate to presenting “non-singing” material.  I think he is right.

When you are at an interview, you may not be aware of this but your interviewer is observing your body language, very carefully.  Your body language says a lot about yourself, so you need to control negative body movements and encourage positive body movements and habits.  Humans naturally send and receive nonverbal communication; they have been doing so since the beginning of time.  When your girlfriend folds her arms but has a smile on her face, are you not wondering what she upset is about or clammed up for.  At an interview, you never want your body language to contradict your words, this makes you appear like a liar.  The first impression, or the first few minutes of your interview are the most lasting.

The Handshake: your hands should be clean and well manicured, and free of perspiration.  You want to allow the interviewer to initiate the handshake, which should match the interviewer in firmness, do not give a firmer handshake than them. Smile at the interviewer and look them in the eyes.  It should last between two to five seconds.  When departing the interview, the handshake may last longer, smile and lean forward as you shake.

Here are a few things you will want to avoid at an interview:

Clasping your hands behind your head

Adjusting your tie constantly

Slouching in your chair

Pulling your collar away

Picking at your face or outfit

Tight smiles or tension in face

Little eye contact

Wrinkling your eyebrows

Rapidly nodding your head

Any nervous tics

Crossing your ankles – means withholding information

Crossing your legs away from the interviewer-  toward is ok

Crossing one ankle over the other knee

Crossing your interviewers personal space

Avoid grinning idiotically

Gnawing on one’s lips absentmindedly

“Faking” a cough during a tough question

Folding or crossing your arms

Avoid compulsive jabbing the floor or desk with your foot

Loud, obnoxious laughter

Having excellent persuasion skills is one of the most important
abilities to possess in today’s fast-paced world. We need the
support and cooperation of other people to help us in reaching
our goals. The saying “No man is an island” is an undeniable
truth.

Here are some hot tips to effectively influence and persuade
anyone you desire.

1) Enter their world.

You must understand the situation according to their point of
view. Set aside your personal interests and concentrate on
them.

Just pretend that if you are them, what would you do? What
would be your opinion? Then take the appropriate action that
would be beneficial to them.

Copy them. Observe how they act, how they speak, and how
they think. If they rub their forehead while they think,
act like them. If they speak at a clear and slow pace, try
to do the same thing. This is called mirroring.

In due time, the people you’re mirroring will subconsciously
feel more comfortable with you. It’s as if they see
themselves in you.

However, you must proceed with caution. Do not let them be
aware that you are copying them. They might interpret it as
mockery and you’ll just get into trouble.

2) Be Friendly and Nice.

Smile to brighten up the day. Make a sincere compliment to
raise their spirits. Little things like these count a lot.

Make them feel that whenever they need help or just someone
to look up to, you’ll always be there to lend a hand. They
would tend to be more receptive to people that they trust.

If you want to ask your boss a favor, do everything you can
to please him. Overdeliver and exceed his expectations.
Soon, he will notice your efforts and will be more than
glad to grant your request.

3) Provide them with compelling evidence.

Explain to them how your ideas or suggestions could be the
most effective techniques to implement. Show them undeniable
proof that you have the best product by way of testimonials,
before and after scenarios, and detailed comparisons against
your competitors. Just make sure that all your claims are
true and verifiable. Always maintain a good reputation.

4) Meet their existing needs and desires.

People are self-centered. They are initially concerned with
their own well-being before others. If you can prove that
your proposal will provide more advantageous benefits to them
than to your own, then they will probably accept it.

If you could focus more on their interests, desires, needs,
and expectations, then you would satisfy their cravings for
attention. Moreover, it would show that you really care
about them. Mutual trust and respect would be established.

This is the most important thing to remember when persuading
anyone. No matter how close you are to becoming like them or
how overwhelming your evidence is, if it does not satisfy the
“What’s In It For Me?” test, your persuasion efforts will not
produce satisfactory results. Always bear in mind how they
will benefit from your actions.

For example: I felt hurt (feeling) when you did not introduce me to your boss (other’s behavior) because it made me think you were ashamed of me (effect).

You messages are messages where the speaker expresses his/her thought and feelings by ignoring his/her experience, blaming, judging, or belittling the other person for his/her experience and he/she accepts no responsibility or control for interpreting behavior and actions in certain ways.

For example: What kind of game are you playing? You deliberately ignored me when your boss came over (blaming). Well to tell you the truth I don’t care (ignoring experience) and you are a bigger idiot than I thought if you think I do (belittling).

1. Clearly “own” your own message by using personal pronouns such as “I” and “my.”

2. Make your messages complete and specific.

3. Express genuine care and concern in your messages.

4. Ask open ended questions.

5. Ask for feedback concerning the way your messages are being received.

6. Make the message appropriate to the receiver and frame of reference.

7. Describe your feelings, by name or action.

8. Describe other’s behavior without evaluating or interpreting.

2. Messages that try to control.

3. Messages that have numerous and/or conflicting motives: no one likes to be the victim of some hidden motivation and most people dislike deceit.

4. Messages that appear to lack concern for the other’s welfare.

5. Messages that threaten or warn.

6. Messages that suggest you feel superior in some way.

7. Messages that insult, blame, shame.

It is indeed challenging to recognize your own listening and communications pattern. But you have probably recognized the patterns of others. Did he or she pick up your entire message? Did you feel understood? What interpretations did they make?

As you work to fine-tune your listening, you will discover your relationship with your family, friends and others becoming more and more satisfying.

Why communication through body language and appropriate language are crucial to networking success?I know most people take quick note of someone that has an attitude. By that we mean that they look belligerent, like know-it–alls, and their ego hangs out like a sore thumb. This is not the person you generally want to do business with. That goes for language as well: you do not want to hang with someone that is negative, always plays the victim and always is whining about one thing or another. The fact that body language can work for you if you take time to listen to others is really important.

The act of listening changes your body language almost immediately.So that you can understand what the other person is saying, you change from aggressive mode to passive mode. This type of body language makes others receptive to you, and they will want to tell their story to you. However, when others want to tell their story, it is important that you gently nudge them in the right direction. You want them to tell you about their business pain, or what is not right with their company. I

t is through analyzing what they are saying that you will gain bigger insights as to what needs to be remedied, how you can help them with that part of their business. After all, you are at the event to pick up solid leads that will give you both profit and relationships that will last for quite some time.

What about language? The kind of language you should be using is: “Will you…”, “Have you considered…”, “I’ll find out how I can help”, “I know someone that…”, even reiterating what they just said is good.You have now practiced and rehearsed, done the dress rehearsal, filmed yourself, done the critique, worked with your director (yourself) and you have finally perfected the pitch. It is now time to try it on a live audience with real people. The first thing is to make sure that what you are pitching is appropriate for the audience at the event you have chosen to attend.Bette Daoust, Ph.D. has been networking with others since leaving high school years ago.

Realizing that no one really cared about what she did in life unless she had someone to tell and excite. She decided to find the best ways to get people’s attention, be creative in how she presented herself and products, getting people to know who she was, and being visible all the time. Her friends and colleagues have often dubbed her the “Networking Queen”.